Area 73

Women

2011-01-24T11:57:00.001-08:00

I've had it with the women in this town. Rather the lack there of. It's not like I'm always cooped up in my room. I go out on a fairly regular basis. Edison Mall, Events down town in both Cape Coral and Fort Myers, hell I'm at Hustlers multiple days of the week. However, there never seems to be women that fit my standards. Y'know 18+ single and straight. Seriously, almost every girl I see is either clearly underage or with a guy.

Let's examine this past weekend. Friday night I went to Hustlers. On the ride over we stopped at a light next to a car full of girls. They were mediocre looking at best. I said "What are you ladies doing tonight?" The driver replied "Not you." What a bitch. Oh well, she probably had crabs any way.

The dance floor is a good way of determining if a girl is single or not. If she's dancing with a guy, odds are you shouldn't try to get her phone number. The bro-ho ratio was about 3-1 and the 33% that were female were with 33% of the guys. The other 66% of the guys were looking around hoping a single female would walk into the bar. Needless to say the most interaction I had that night was with the bitch at the light.

Saturday I went to the Medieval Faire. I should preface that I didn't go to pick up a girl, I went because I'm a nerd and genuinely enjoy things like that. However, yes, it was in the back of my mind that it would be great to run into a cute nerd girl that likes to dress up and duel with foam swords. Despite showing off with my newly bought diabolo I failed to attract any women. Then again, there weren't any to attract any way. Every last girl was either with a guy or with a parent. I'm sorry, but legal chicks don't tend to go out with mom and dad. If they do, they're not about to talk awkwardly with a guy in front of their parents.

Saturday night I went to the Music Walk in Fort Myers' River District with my friends. There was a severe lack of females between the ages of 18-40. There were a lot of teeny boppers and grey-hairs. Collectively we had to have talked to twenty females. The majority of which turned out to be sophomores and juniors... in high school. Damn to hell the man that discovered h.g.h.

What the hell is wrong with parents? Why do they let their young daughters go into down town Fort Myers by themselves at night?!?! Does nobody watch the news?!

There were two women that were of age and interested in partying. Unfortunately it was at a private party consisting of the two of them. This means that two attractive lesbians were able to find each other in this God forsaken county, but I can't find an attractive hetero.

This frustration actually peeked with me getting genuinely pissed off at the female in the group. Here's where most people will say something like "You're a hypocrite blah blah blah". No. She had already expressed her disinterest in me. Also, she was spending a good portion of her time sucking the face of one of the other guys. I told her off with a number of swear words simply for having a vagina. I didn't even drink that night. True, unfiltered rage. I still feel it was deserved.

Despite that I actually did have a good time. Good music and we got our picture taken by a photographer from gulfcoast.metromix.com

This is a usual weekend for me. I go out and never actually talk to a woman out of fear for being arrested for attempted statutory. If this is a normal weekend, then why did I suddenly decide to write this long-winded blog? Because my rage towards the lack of available legal females has hit an all new level.

Today I went to Publix to pick up some cereal. As I pulled in a noticed an attractive woman behind her SUV. At first I just figured she was putting groceries back there. Nope, she was wiping shit off a babies ass. Well, if that's not a turn off I don't know what is. As Scrubs says "Babies ruin everything, especially vaginas".

I kept on and bought the items I needed. I go to the express lane in hopes of not having to deal with the small talk bs. I just want to get my stuff and go.

I round the corner and see this fairly attractive girl checking out. She wasn't buying much and was talking to the cashier about how she just moved down here. She told her she worked from home so she didn't worry about the poor economy. I'm thinking "Holy crap, is this girl actually single?" I let the small talk go on until I feel it's appropriate to interject. The girl mentions she prefers the warmth of Florida. As I was about to say "Where is it that you're from?" She tells the cashier "It's okay, the only people I know up there are my in-laws anyway." CRAP!

So what? Right? So she's married. What's wrong with that? Nothing, I think it's great that at a young age she was able to find someone that she could spend the rest of her life with. The problem is that in that moment I wanted to hit her. I wanted to out right strike this woman for not being single. I wouldn't necessarily call it anger because I'm over it now.

Some might say I'm clearly not because I've taken up minutes of their precious time ranting about it. I am not angry, I'm frustrated. Very, very frustrated.

Is it so weird for a guy to want to find a kindred spirit? To find someone that has the same interests as him? Someone that truly honestly gets him? I don't want just some random Barbie whore. If all I cared about was getting laid I think I could accomplish that with a few bucks in my pocket and a trip down MLK blvd.

I want to find someone that likes making YouTube videos, being in the spot light, writing, performing. Someone that's creative and wants to express themselves. Someone that I can brain storm with before, during and after making love. Someone deep and meaningful but not all gothic and coffee house. Someone that will argue with me over stupid meaningless topics and understand that that's all it is and that sometimes it's okay to disagree and express that.

I used to go for quiet nerdy girls because Hollywood taught me that deep down they just want someone to crack that shell and give them the courage to get up and sign karaoke despite having no talent.

I feel that the girl I want does not exist. Why? Because to want someone that is outgoing, energetic, fun and attractive is too much to ask.

I remember I once held a conversation with a girl. A conversation that didn't consist of just me talking. A conversation with points and counter-points. A conversation in which we both mentioned that we were single. She even showed distaste for her ex. I thought we hit it off. I thought there was hope in this world. I was wrong. She's now back with her "asshole druggy boyfriend". Well, you deserve each other.

F*** women.

99X

2010-11-23T07:38:00.002-08:00

In the beginning of October, 2010 99X (WJBX) held a contest to see who could make the best Zito and Garrett commercial (The station's morning show). The deadline was October 10th. At that time there were six entries. One of which was an updated version of another, so really there were five.

The rules of the contest stated "Each contestant's video entry must be his/her original creative work and/or property and must not contain copyrighted materials or any other materials, which may be restricted, prohibited, or outlawed by Federal, state or local laws."

Of the five; one featured the song "Bad Girlfriend" by Theory of a Deadman. One featured the song "No Rest for the Wicked" by Cage the Elephant. One featured multiple copy-righted images including one from the NFL. Anyone that has ever watched a sports game knows the NFL tells you at the beginning of every telecast how serious they are about copy-rights.

If you're not keeping track let me help you out, that leaves two(2) entries that are technically eligible to win the contest.

The contest was to be decided by popular vote. Why the four other videos were even posted, I don't know. The three with copy-right infringement should have never been posted and whoever runs the website should have used a little common sense and realized that two of the videos were essentially the same.

Voting was to be between 10/12/10 and 10/17/10. The day after voting ended they took down the link to the contest page, but the page itself (as of Tuesday, November 23rd) can still be found at: http://www.99xwjbx.com/Z-G_commercial_contest/

After a week of not hearing any word I emailed Alexis (The afternoon DJ)

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I was ignored.

The next day I email "Dumb" Chris (The mid-day DJ and the third voice of ZnG)

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I was wrong in stating that I had already emailed Zito and Garrett.I thought I had, I guess it slipped my mind. Eleven days passed without word from anyone. I was riding my bike home when I heard an advertisement for a "Call and win" iPad contest. This angered me, as I felt they had dropped their initial contest. I mean, come on, a contest where all you have to do is call in to win and Scrubs and I had put actual effort into making a video? I emailed Bob Garrett (The "G" in ZnG.) The following is the brief conversation I got out of him.

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No response. So, I went as high on the charts as I could. I figured the radio station was owned by "Beasley Broadcasting" so I couldn't get much higher than a guy with the same last name. I emailed Brad Beasley.

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Again, I misspoke, it had only been the fourth email sent. He must have taken an interest in what I had to say because he forwarded my concern to the right person. Of course, I got more of the same BS run around. Here's that conversation:

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...which is what I'm doing with this blog. 99x has posted the winning video. There have been major alterations made to the video. Changes include blacking out the face

s of the girls, changing some clips, new video effects (which look like crap by the way. Totally amateur stuff) and what I believe is a new shot of the DJs in the station. This means that after the contest was already over they invited the person to the station to help make changes. As I stated in my emails, changing any part of an entry means it is no longer the original entry thus technically was never voted for. How can a video win with no votes? It doesn't make sense.

One must wonder if the station would have pulled strings had a different video won. In my honest opinion, they're only allowing this video to win because it was the only video to feature boobs AND the female form (see what I did there?) If K-Cuf had gotten the most votes but had copy-righted content it would have been pulled from the contest and they would have spat that rule in my face. No other video ever had a chance of winning this contest. In fact, I wonder if the winning video even got the most votes. They never displayed a vote counter for the public to see. No, I don't have proof that this is what they did, but if a station is willing to cheat to get their way who's to say that isn't how they chose the winner? Maybe they were lying all along.

99X is no better than a crooked politician and you can quote me on that. I appreciate everyone that took their time to read this and I hope that you understand this is a matter of principle.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE!

2010-08-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

Car pulls up into parking lot. I happen to realize the car next to us has it's A/C dial missing. I think to myself "What a piece of crap". We come to a complete stop. I notice the guy in the passenger seat is on his cell phone. I open my door and tap his car. He jerks his head around and I give the "I'm sorry wave". He's still on the phone. The trunk pops open for me to pull the scooter out for Bethany's mom. I get the scooter out and lay it on the ground. As I stand back up the passenger is standing above me.

Man: Did you scratch my car?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry about that.

I lean over to inspect the damage. There is none. He steps in front of me.

Man: Then you give this little wave thing.

Me: Yes, that was an apologetic wave. I didn't want to interrupt you on the phone.

Man: You think it's okay to just scratch people's cars like that?

Me: I just had to get out to get the scooter, I didn't mean to hit your car, I'm sorry.

Man: Just because you clearly don't care about your car doesn't mean you can slam into everyone else's.

Me: Look, I already apologized but it's not like you're driving a BMW and don't talk to me about the condition of this car. You've got sun spots on the roof and scratches and dents all over.

Man: Did you put those dents there?

Me: No.

Man: Then don't fucking worry about them. I want to know why you think it's okay to hit my car and not say anything.

Me: (getting defensive) I already apologized. I wasn't going to knock on your window *knocks on car's trunk about ten times then says in a mocking voice* Excuse me, sir I know you're on the phone, but I'm sorry for putting a paint scratch on your car. I didn't do that because it would be rude.

Man: I already think you're rude.

Me: Fine, think that.

Man: Don't give me that goddamn attitude. You want to get your ass kicked in this parking lot right now?

Me: Are you serious? Look, I'm sorry.

Man: I don't know if I heard that properly, do you think you could say it just one more time.

Me: I'm sorry.

Man: I'm gettin real fuckin sick of you being a smart ass.

Me: I really think you're blowing this situation out of proportion.

Man: I should take those fuckin' glasses off right now and smack you around. You little fucking punk.

Me: I really think you should calm down.

Man: You want to get your fucking ass kicked, prick?

Me: No.

Man: Then get the fuck out of my face.

*I start to turn*

Man: Right now, you little shit. Turn around and get out of my fucking face.

Me: I'm about to leave. As soon as she goes into that building I'm getting back into the car and leaving.

Man: Good, try not to hit my car. Fuckin' punk.

I get into the car and jot down his license plate number. We drive away.

Side note: This story is not exaggerated. The words may not be exact, but I have three witnesses to tell you that I never lost my temper and this guy was turning red. He was about 5'5'' so I know he has some sort of Napoleon complex. It was overcast and he was wearing those oil spill tinted wrap around ray bands, so I know he's a douche even when he's not pissing his panties over a paint scratch. When I looked at the damage I noticed there was a very small amount of paint on his car, surrounded by dents from previous incidents. The paint honestly could have come off with a thumb lick. Y'know when you lick your thumb and apply a little pressure and no one would ever know it had happened? That. This man yelled at me and threatened to kick my ass over that. For about a half hour after that all I kept repeating was "What an asshole!" Oh, and it was a red Honda Accord circa 1990's with the license plate A77 6HG this event occurred in Cape Coral on Del Prado at the Doctor's office right across from Caloosa Middle.

A Few Examples

2010-04-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

This is an example of a rundown.

This is an example of a script.

Use which ever you feel comfortable with or if you have another way that you prefer, that's fine, too. Whatever keeps you on track.

I Want You!

2010-01-27T02:00:00.000-08:00

This June I will be attending SuperCon in Miami Florida. It's going to be a blast. I honestly can't wait.

Of course, you all know, I can't go anywhere without a video camera in hand. This time it's going to be a little different. I don't want to give too much away, but I'll be needing quite a few people to appear in the video. I wanted to open the floor to my faithful followers first. Those of you that follow me on Twitter and MySpace.

Here's how to qualify:

First, you must be going to SuperCon. I think this part is pretty obvious.

Second, you MUST have your costume. Send a picture to me at ZomgRoswell73@yahoo.com of you in your costume. This is not a first come first serve basis. I will be marking off characters as I find the right people for the job.

Third, you must be able to give me roughly five minutes of your time while at SuperCon.

So, what video are we doing? That's top secret. However, I can tell you what I need. If you want to be in the video, I need a

Mace Windu

Qui Gon Jinn

Boy Anakin

(these three must be together)

Group of wenches

Generic Large breasted anime female

Dr. Leonard McCoy

Someone in Babylon 5 garb

Philip J. Fry

Someone in Galaxy Quest garb

Klingon

Laura Croft

Trekkie

7 of 9

Generic Padawan (teenage Anakin will do)

Spock

Professor X

(These two must be together)

Buffy

Knights who say "Ni"

Mystery Science Theater 3000 group (will settle for a solo character)

Dr. Frankenfurter

Sailor Moon

Dr. Who

(These two must be together)

DnD players

Steve Urkel

5 generic fanboys

Blue= Must be together. Does not necesarily mean you have to know the person, I just need everyone in the same shot.

Red= Has a line. Don't worry, all voices will be dubbed over.

White= Just stand/sit there and look nerdy.

Told you I needed a lot. Again, if you're honestly interested please send a picture of yourself in full costume to ZomgRoswell73@yahoo.com and I'll fill you in more if I decide to use you.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Under Construction

2010-01-26T14:06:00.001-08:00

I'm going to start blogging again. The blogs will be kind of like "Director Commentary" on my videos. I'm going to go back and watch all my vids and write out quirky little tid bits on them. Hope you'll enjoy!