Up until this point you're told not to fall of ledges. Suddenly you're supposed to know that sometimes it's okay to do so. First time around (before the game crashed for a second time) I honestly got to the point where I said "Fuck it I'm blowing up this bridge and committing suicide." Surprisingly this lead to a small fortune. Yeah, that's a great thing to teach kids. Jump from high places you might find a treasure chest.
I then spent the next forty-five minutes trying to figure out how to kill these annoying little fucks that were blocking my path. This is where I decided to check the internet. Boy, did I feel like an idiot. Go back to the third room and push the block off the side, that simple. Yeah, fuck you internet. You think you're so smart, don't you?
After this I was able to find the mallet to squish the little bastards and move on. After finding this item it occurred to me how much they look like those whack-a-pricks. I really should have put one and one together.
I make it through the dungeon to find one of the scariest, most shit-my-pants bosses I've ever seen in 8-bit form. It's a goddamn fire breathing scorpion with a warrior mask. Seriously, you're frightening enough, bro. Why do you need the mask?!
I figure if a spastic worm is a pain in the ass this thing must be near impossible. Nope. I beat it with next to no problem. Died once, but I had a fairy so it was all good. Lay some bombs, hide in the corner. Boom. Bang. On to the next one.
The second maiden, I'm proud to say, was pretty damn simple. Of course, this is all relative as this game thus far is a pounded headache.
I found the attacking water droplets to be not only annoying but baffling. I'm walking through water. Water hits me. How the fuck does this inflict pain? Personally, I've been hit with water balloons before. There's a slight sting because my brother likes to put rocks in them but all in all I don't think it hurts as much as being stabbed. How are these two things remotely equivalent?
I make my way through the dungeon with probably the least amount of swears since I started the game. I hit this big room with waterfalls. *cue flash back wibbly wobbly* I remembered being told by some nameless fella that I could upgrade my swag by walking under a waterfall. *wibbly wobbly back* I decided to take this concept and began walking into walls. From an outside perspective I image this looked rather strange.
Fast forward to boss. *Elongated blank stare* ...Nintendo, what the fuck? A gigantic eye surrounded by tribbles? Were you people dropping acid for this one? Again, this boss fight caused me minimal trouble. That's right, there was little trouble with tribbles.
I think this is the appropriate turning point at which everything starts to piss me the fuck off. Having been given the waterfall tip several levels earlier I decided to start reading everything as if it were religious text. When the second maiden popped out of her crystal and told me there are multiple ways to change between worlds. "There are some other magical warping points like the one you saw on Death Mountain" were her exact words. I figured this meant I had to find a second warp tile somewhere else in the light world.
For an hour and a half I wandered around both worlds trying to find a second goddamn warping point that would help me move on to the third maiden. While I was able to find a few pieces of heart and play cave explorer this bit of advice never paid off. Yet again I found myself consulting the internet. It tells me to go north of the broken bridge and use my hook shot to pull myself across.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! This game was clearly made before short attention spans. I understand that much. It relies heavily on the player getting bored out of their minds and eventually stumbling upon something useful. However, how the FUCK was I supposed to figure out that there were skulls on the other ledge? The screen doesn't show enough to the west for you to see them.
Don't get me wrong, I love this new tool of mine. I feel like BatLink. However, I would never have thought to go to this obscure fucking point and shoot off my grappling gun in hopes that it would progress the game.
Fast forward to Skull Woods. Seriously, Skull Woods? Whatever. I'll leave that one alone.
I explore a good deal of the woods trying to figure out exactly what I'm supposed to do. It seems to be a theme with this game. Roughly ten minutes into my hike some douchebag pumpkin stole my shield. I figured striking it down would give it back. Sadly, that did not do the trick. He must have digested it. As annoying as that may be, I don't blame the creature. This was his intended purpose. My issue is with the fact that an upgraded shield could be easily destroyed by a fucking jack-o-lantern.
After spending a good deal of time in a wooded area without running into a caterpie I found myself hoping the holes would kill me once and for all. After a short debate I decided to go spelunking. Y'know, at least in the first dungeon I finally realized that if I see a pattern below the hole that's a floor. These things are just black pits.
I'm now in the most confusing dungeon thus far. I've still not completed it but I rage quit after the fucking hand kept picking me up and moving me. Fuck that hand and fuck whoever thought it was a necessity. I'll have a full write-up on it later and I promise from here out 1 dungeon=1 post. Sorry this one was so long... heh, cock joke.
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