Upon entering the dungeon I see that my first enemy is... Spyro. Fucking seriously? As far as enemies go this dungeon seems to be fairly simple. Aside from the annoyance of constantly being turned into the useless fucking rabbit. The least the programmers could have done is given you super speed if they're not going to let you defend yourself.
This is a dungeon in which the map is almost a necessity. Other wise you have to play guessing games to figure out where the doors are. Despite that It's actually pretty simple to navigate. Of course if Link were out of shape there'd be no way he'd get through this endeavor. A good portion of the floors are treadmills. Which is only made that much more difficult as it seems ALL the minions are using them at once. At least we've finally found a group of bad guys that are health conscious.
After exploring all three levels the only bit of advice I'm given is to not trust the blind thief. Well, no shit, Zelda. Maybe tomorrow when I call you up you can remind me that Nutella is delicious.
I do understand that this means he's more than likely got a trick up his sleeve. I think I could have figured that out on my own. Especially after I saw the maiden guarded only by a small handful of dragons.
I get this stupid bitch and she's telling me she wants to go outside. Well, fuck you, I've got this new key and I'm going to find out what it unlocks. Okay, so I know what it unlocks but the bitch can hold her bladder while I explore the room. Oh... yay... I get titan gloves. Now I can lift rocks that I couldn't before. Oh, you mean dark green ones? At least that's what I'm assuming. I've tried lifting small dark green rocks to no avail. Massive light green boulders, no problem. Apparently dark green means it's made of dark matter.
I decide it's time to let the bitch out before she pisses on me. I swear It's like she's a dog that can't figure out doorknobs. There's only one real exit and she doesn't want to use it. I figure maybe we'll go up to level three. Nope, she doesn't want to go there either. Christ this bitch is infuriating.
Fuck it, check the internet. What? I'm supposed to explode the floor? Oh, like I haven't tried that already. I see cracked flooring now and I instinctually want to blow it to high heaven. My first time around I tried doing that and not one part of the floor wanted to give. I figured the developers were just fucking with me again. I gave up on that strategy because it didn't fucking work. Now you're telling me it does work but only in one spot? How the fuck was I supposed to figure that out?! God fucking dammit. Fuck you game developers.
I bring the twat to the boss room and push her into the light. Sadly she's not a vampire. This would have made things very quick. Oh hey, I just remembered fucking forever ago when some chick told me the blind thief doesn't like the light. That was weeks ago. Fucking useless bitch. I throw a bomb at the only unreachable cracked floor. Holy shit it works. -.-
So, the annoying cunt turns into a pissed off orderly that keeps growing new heads like a hydra. The extra heads start shooting fire balls at me. If only I had a shield that could block those... *mumbles* Goddamn fucking pickit plants.
Now I have to travel all the way across the land and into the light world to once again upgrade my swag.
Yet again I load up on fairies and swing my sword wildly and everyone thinks I'm a hero. In that sense I love this game. Act like you know what you're doing and everyone will praise you. Read a book and you're a hero. Take on a quest that quite literally ANYONE could take on and suddenly you're a ten year old messiah. Brilliant.
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