LttP Take 3: Misery Mire

THE FUCKING FLUTE CALLS THE BIRD?! WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW THE FUCK?! WHEN THE FUCK?! *flips table* This could have saved a lot... A LOT of time. Seriously, at what point was I to assume that just because I free a duck from a statue that makes him forever in my debt? Looking at the size of it I have to assume it can't be too easy to give Link a lift. Christ this could have saved me some time. Fucking douchebag duck.


Thank God for tutorials because I never would have figured that out and I sure as shit would never have gotten the Ether, which I needed to stop the rain and summon the cave mouth from the black lagoon. Believe it or not I figured that much out all on my lonesome. If only they could label things more often. I see a lightning bolt, I use a lightning bolt. Finally these bastards throw me a bone.


After having to walk across spikes to get to a skull-jar I figure there must be some item I'm missing. Something that makes it so I don't have to impale myself just to step on a damn switch. Time to go treasure hunting. 


All treasure hunters have a map and mine is Zeldadungeon.net... judge me if you must. Reading through the items walkthrough makes me think they really put too much into finding some of this crap. Nobody I talked to said a damn thing about a gravestone lifting and as no other gravestones are able to be lifted there was nothing to suggest I should run full speed, head first into one particular granite monument. Game developers gave way too much credit to early gamers. I can't imagine how many children wound up committed to an insane asylum because of these games. I'm starting to think it was a good thing I never played games as a kid. There would have been many-a broken television.


Now that I've got the cape I have two options. A) I can go around dungeons without getting hurt or B) I can spy on the girls at the Hyrule gym. Personally, I think it'd be worth draining all my magic power for ten seconds in said locker room. That's enough fantasizing, I've got srs business to get to. 


Making my way around the sixth dungeon was about on par with the rest of this game. Although still less frustrating than Skull Woods. The navigation was fairly simple. In fact, I never even got the compass. There's an entire room still blacked out on my map. For all I know there are girls on trampolines covered in strawberry syrup. Of course in 8-bit I'm not sure how arousing that would be, but I'm still going to imagine that's what's in that particular room.


The amount of enemies in this level was mind boggling. It's just plain absurd. Without the red shield I imagine this task would be much more difficult if at all possible. 


The cane was a rather useful tool but only used once. I'm hoping it plays a bit more of a roll in the next dungeon. 


As far as bosses go I think it's clear they were just getting lazy at this point. It's eyeballs. As I've just acquired the cape I'm able to easily hide myself. I mean, he's no exactly going to sniff me out. I do this long enough to get rid of a good majority of the little ones. Then the big eye starts floating around and I stab it quite a few times. To the point, in fact, that I was starting to doubt it was working. 


I must say of all enemies this one should have been much easier to kill than the others. I've been poked in the eye before and GOD-DAMMIT that hurts! Could you imagine being stabbed in the eye? Not jabbed with a pen or even shanked with a fork but out right stabbed in the eye with the sword that makes evil piss itself? I call bullshit on this enemy. I should have been able to stab that bastard just once and make him my bitch.


Side note: fuck it, I'm not googling images anymore. It started out as cute, got out of hand and now it's just a pain in the ass.