The whole lot of them are just standing around, dying of starvation because there are boulders blocking their path. That's like saying America can't eat because there's a huge carrot in the way of our steak. I think after a certain amount of time a group of us would get together and take one for the team. We'd eat the carrot and go on with our lives.
Meanwhile, their leader has decided his plan of action is to throw a temper tantrum and lock himself in his room. WHAT THE FUCK?! He can't break down that which is blocking his people's food source because he's butthurt?
He waits for a ten year old kid to come along and play him a song just so he'll feel better. Even then he doesn't fight to save his kind. No, Darunia sends the child (who can't even lift stones without the help of a bracelet) into a dangerous dungeon to save a race that isn't even his own. In other words, Link has a bigger pair than this dbag.
After defeating the dungeon Darunia grants you the title of "Sworn Brother". Oh, great, now I have to be siblings with this chicken-shit.
Seven years later all the Gorons (save Link of the Gorons) have been kidnapped by Ganondorf for showing resistance. I find this highly unlikely because that implies that their commander did something other than run and hide. He actually lead them into a battle of some sort. Something I just couldn't see being done by that pussy.
Once again it is on your shoulders to save the Gorons. Before entering Death Mountain you meet a very large fellow. He informs you that his blades are better than his brother's. I'm fairly certain the two of them are just trying to shank you out of your rupees. Two hundred for a knife? I'd say shove it, but I don't see anywhere that you could. Do you fuckers just completely dissolve the stones in your stomachs? Do you never shit? The digestive track of the Gorons must be something truly amazing.
After meeting the gargantuan duo I must wonder how Darunia earned the nick-name "Big Brother". He's roughly average in size and has no courage what-so-ever. He's not literally nor figuratively "big". Does he have such stature simply because he discovered hair gel and won't tell anyone else about it?
Inside the Fire Temple you meet him yet again. Only he's on the other side of the room. He tells you that he'll go ahead while you free the imprisoned Gorons. Then he takes off into the boss room and he's not heard from until after you beat Volvagia.
This bothers me... a lot.
First, he clearly has the ability to get across lava. Some how his stumpy little legs allow him to clear pits of boiling magma. Or perhaps his Goron skin allows him to walk right over it without issue. Whatever the reason may be this shows that he's fully capable of taking on this dungeon by himself.
Second, why doesn't HE free his people?! I understand he's too much of a coward to engage in any kind of battle but he could at least walk his fat-ass over to a switch and stand on it for two seconds. Hell, when he talks to you he's actually closer to the first prisoner than you are. This tub of lard would ask you to pass the remote because it was out of arms reach.
Third, he goes into the boss room. How the hell did he get the key without freeing ANY of his friends?! The boss key is in a cell for God's sake!
When he leaves he says he'll go ahead of me, as if he's waiting for me to show up and help him. In reality he waits for me to leave the room and slips out the backdoor.
I don't understand why he went in there without me in the first place. This is a completely illogical move. Help just arrived and he ignored it. It's like if FEMA had shown up to New Orleans and everyone said "Nah, we're gunna try to do this on our own first. Come back in a few days. Tell George we said 'Hello'."
It would have even been nice if he couldn't go into the room because he didn't have the key and in turn came with me as I freed everyone. It would have been nice to have a bodyguard. I mean, Nintendo can put me in charge of a prissy princess but they can't give me some backup when I'm inside of a FUCKING VOLCANO?! I can't tell you how useful he would have been. Maybe he could have held down the flare dancer while I hacked and slashed? That certainly would have saved me quite a few bombs. Also, stop calling them the "Goron's Special Crop" they're fucking bombs. When your number one export is explosives it's going to make life a lot easier to just say "bombs".
After doing all the dirty work I finally show up to the boss room and where the hell is he? Nowhere to be found and Volvagia hasn't so much as been slapped. Like I said, he slipped out when I wasn't looking.
I take on this fire breathing demon with Mjolnir all by myself. Afterwards Darunia shows up and tells me what a good job I did.
This means nothing to me, asshole. I don't seek the approval of leaders who put the lives of their people in the hands of others. What's that? You're a sage? Big fucking whoop, you still don't own a pair of balls.
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